A thread on an Orkut forum has prompted me write this post on ..ahem 'pre marital sex'..So here is my take on it..
Sex a biological need of the body.It is as basic as eating ,drinking or even breathing.It is certainly not unique to the human kingdom but extends well into the domain of every living object..The need to propagate our seed is a prerequisite for the survival of any species ...
However like most other things we attach a lot of tamashaa to the whole act ..Humans have evolved from their hunting n gathering days to their modern day buy and store stock up avtaar.
But I have reasons to believe that we are embarassed about our animal origins.We try and break away from any ritual or habit that may highlight our 'ANIMAL ORIGINS..'
ALAS this is always going to be futile ,since the basic needs are always going to be the same ...So somewhere our embarassed ancestors devised a plan to carve a distinct identity for our race.....just look at it ...something as basic as food for instance.... The purpose of food remains to provide energy to the body for its functions .It is simply a fuel...Again we share this trait with the rest of the aniumal kingdom.....so guess what ..we made cuisines ...seven course meals ...appetisers , desserts, la carte what not.... and even more ..u have a dozen types of forks ,knives, spoons ,spatulas ..just to shove it down your throat..
What we have done is to mask our common traits with the animals under layers of sophistication in a vain pursuit to prove our uniqueness and superiority ..
Coming back to the orignal topic ....in all honesty ,we are embarssed about our sexuality...it is always a taboo.. An animal trait .....And a closer look shows that just like other things marriage was invented so cover up our discomfort over an animal instict and prove our superiority...
What happens when you see a beautiful member of the opposite sex??
if nothing happens..see a doctor !!
The fact is ...the moment we lay our eyes on them ,subconsciously we size them up as potential mates...this is not something we make an effort for...its just that our brains r wired that way ...since times immemorial the male was the provider and the female reared his children...Then the men used to seek big Bre@$+s and broad hips considering the females child bearing capacities...He used to provide for the woman simply becuse she was having his baby..From her end ..the female used to seek the healthiest/strongest mate who could provide her with food and security and whose offspring would have greatest chance of survival...
Often prospective mates fought and killed each other over her... since spelling bee hadnt been invented yet..and the winner got her (womb) to propagate his seed !! (We still see this behaviour amongst higher apes.)
Even today this mating ritual presents itself in the form of courtship ,serenading ,wooing ..whteva u call it ..
It just so happens that one doesnt need to be big and strong to survive in todays world ,a healthy bank balance would do ...thank you :) which euphimistically put translates into well settled ..
As for the males..they still check out cleavage the and the rear of anything moving in a skirt..Pervertish it may sound...but cant argue with biology there...
Now let us consider the fact that men can sire dozens of babies simultaneously but females can have only one man's child at any given time..So men have a great incentive for promicusity(the purpose was to spread ones seed all over )....Women were in a disadvantageous postion since there would be no gurantee that the male would take care of her once he impregnated other women (no wonder why women are so susceptible to jealousy and suspicion...cnt argue with biology here 2 ;)) ..So MARRIAGE was invented ( i guess by women only as an insurance policy )...
Times have changed ...Humans are not fighting to survive..so men are content with one female (hopefully) in our overpopulated times..Women have become financially independent ..they dont need men to provide for them anymore...but just as some1 they can nag n pester :(
FYI humans and dolphins are the only creatures who have sex for pleasure
....It just so happens that a sexual intercourse bathes the brain a heady cocktail of hormones and other chemicals creating pleasureable sensations...in females it gives rise to strong maternal instincts ( well the original purpose was to become a mommy only ) so they feel so much attachment after doin it ..As for love...its not connected with sex in any manner ...Cmon..Love is a different road altogether ....MAKING LOVE is a politically correct way of calling an indulgence in pleasure ( hormones baby !!)..
To put it simply ..You are having a burger and u let ur friend have a bite ..u wont think twice abt it...but imagine giving a bite to a stranger ...It doesnt matter both would drip thr saliva on to it....but you wont let the stranger have it......same with sex....u r vulnerable and share those moments of vulnerability with some1 whom u trust and care for ..even though the tools involved and the end result is going to be the same with the stranger..Its just that you would be more comfortable that way ..
People who quote the Bible against premarital sex....FYI bible says 'KNOWING ' is to be indulged in only to make babies...so if u had ur share of kids..STOP or else ul end up in Hell...
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Hai, lenghty post with a lot of insights.. I esp liked the part where humans are trying to overcome animal instincts...
But, I really dint get ur take on pre marital sex - are u saying it is ok to sleep with anyone u feel like bços love and sex are not related? or are u saying that pre marital sex is ok as long as u know ur partner?
either ways, I personally am not aginst PMS.. however one night stands do gross me out - ur burger concept I guess. But I strongly disagree that sex is not related to love...sex without love is a mere act of satiation - like drinking water for thirst. But sex with love is an emotion undescribable, like the giiddiness of an expensive wine!!!
Btw, cool blog background u got there!! But y am I able to read only the right half of ur post? I had to highlight the text to read it in entiretiy - please fix it...and b4 I end, another q - R u an ISB admit?
-S
Yes...i get tht the bgrnd despite being cool doesnt hold the text 2 well..as for pms..im neither in or against it...i just feel that people shld follow thr heart rathr thn social norms ...
Believe me when I say that sex is a mere act ...its our consciousness as humans that elevates it to an experience...animals have it as an instinct only..i remarked even dolphins enjoy it...n its known their brains are pretty mch developed just like ours...
The intimacy and the fine wine (as u say )is again something our brain has ben conditioned over generations to act as a cushion...for eg ...earlier man used 2 HUNT for food...now they can afford to do it for the pleasure as it is not that critical to his survival...same with procreation...we don't have 2 bother abt the survival part ,so we indulge in it for the pleasure and thrill of it..its simply our perception that makes it a fulfilling experience..u knw mind ovr matter ..being in love makes our brains soggy with oxatoxin ...and sxual intimacy spikes it with dopamine..:) so imagine the resulting cocktail
I know i sound cruel and cold when i say all this ..but the purpose here is to maintain objectivity.. I am stating real facts..I guess most ppl can live with that smoke screen...like in the Matrix
And no Im not an admit to ISB this year...but ul see me thr next year for sure in class of 08 :)
Cypher: You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss.
I hope u get the point I m makin
well thtz saying...i dont think u can conclude tht scientifically ..if u dwell into this ...ur repeating wht i said...
men use love 2 get sex= they serenade so as to seduce= the idea is to spread the seed (the pleasure is a desirable side effect ;) )
women use sex to get love=the idea was to be taken care of since the female was unable to hunt to lack of physical strength + carrying the man's baby
Post or pre ...its just that we defer it to a stage where it is socially acceptable...
Doing it out of love is a choice..its the trust and the comfort factor i suppose !! Post marriage it becomes ..ahem 'divine duty'
I like the way you're thinking. A suggestion...you might find 'The Naked Ape - Desmond Harris' and interesting read.
Thankz..I find this way of thinking more deserving to b called 'objectivism' rather than wht ayn rand propagated...the day we get the ability to be ojective and detached from life ...and reattach at will will be the day we become masters of our destiny....imagine how much of pain and suffering can be alleviated ....but im not advocating we do away with emotions ...the trait that makes us so distinctly human...Bur emotions should not become an insulation from the real and higher truth...tht we may not nececarrily be consequential players in the grander scheme of things...
As for the book...il try 2 lay my hands on ...ahem..'the naked ape'.i m not sure tht il find it at the traffic signal or the pavement ..so seemz will have 2 shell some real dough at oxfords or teksonz
Why is it so difficult to people to grasp the fact that when we indicate that people or even teens are indulging in pre-marital sex they automatically assume that we approve of pre-marital or teen sex.
Our approval or lack of it is not important but the point that it has been happening forever and will continue is where the conservatives rather avert their eyes and say that their kids dont indulge in that sort of lewd behavior but we all know that parents are the last to know.
Sex is a novelty before marriage but after marriage its a habit.
Nice blog btw
I believe engaging a good number of teenagers engage in pre marital coz of the taboo associated with it...the thrill of the forbidden path...like minorz driving a car or evn boozing..call it peer pressure ,call it searching 4 ur identity ..sadly guidance does not come through the right channels in the right wayz..
As for consenting adults ,i don't think it should be an issue.As I indicated ,its not something that needs to be debated....Those who support it could point that it ensures even 'sexual compatibility' before thrz any semblence of a formal commitment...But again ,some of the charm remains in dicovering the person ....blah blah...
As someone said Pre Marital is like getting a ticket to the big football game...post is like an all seasons pass..
I think that humans tend overrationalize their instinctive behaviour. They try to find reasons for an answer they already have. I agree that this results in an behavioural apologeticism.
However, people who commit suicide even overcome the primary instinct of self preservation. So, I don't think that there are absolutes regarding behaviour.
NLP is mainly about exploring OPTIONS. If you have contexts where you feel that you HAVE to respond in a certain way, then that is the normal telltale signs that you could do with some exploring and twiddling with the premise of that response.
I think that there is a middleway here. You can give your natural reponses a home, and acknowledge and relate to your response. You don't have to alienate them nor do you have to commit to them.
Would also like to add that if you look up a gay page, you will find enormous list of animals who exhibit a variety of sexual behaviour. Just two days ago I saw a clip of a person speaking with a kangeroo starting to masturbate in the background.
The "only dolphins and human have sex for pleasure" is outdated.
dude...am not gonna go 2 any gay page....even for enlightenment
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